#8: YOLO

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This thing that people (idiots) say is so annoying that it deserved its very own number on the countdown. “You Only Live Once”. In 2012, with the apocalypse approaching, we have resorted to stating…mere facts. We don’t just walk around saying acronyms like: WOHTE (We Only Have Two Eyes), TASDIAW (There Are Seven Days In A Week), or TIAND (Today Is A New Day), or even IAAH (I Am A Human), because these are things, that we know, and do not need to say. They don’t mean anything, or have any baring on our actions, or our justifications for them.

YOLO was shortlisted for the English word of the year. Sorry, you may have ignored what we just wrote, because it was so frustrating and stupid. So we’ll repeat: YOLO was shortlisted for the English word of the year. Other words in the shortlist included: GIF (to create a GIF file of an image or video sequence, especially relating to an event), nomophobia (anxiety caused by being without one’s mobile phone), and eurogeddon (the potential financial collapse of the Eurozone, envisaged as having catastrophic implications for the region’s economic stability). DRUMROLL PLEASE: GIF won. Can’t believe idiapocalphobia didn’t place (anxiety caused by being aware that idiots are causing the apocalypse), and niether did GAL (Get A Life: an idiom and catch phrase usually intended as a taunt to indicate that the person being addressed is devoting an inordinate amount of time to trivial or hopeless matters).

Castor and Pollux often create words to describe feelings or situations which don’t seem to have an appropriate description in the English language.

Crixaustionation: the feeling of having an assignment due the next day, which one may have not started, and may be doubtful as to whether said assignment can possibly be completed by the deadline. This feeling also involves exhaustion and extreme hunger, as well as intense love for surrounding animals and/or other activities which would prevent assignment from being completed.

Example: Castor often gets herself into a state of crixaustingaution, as a result of procrastination, anxiety, screwed up priorities, being distracted by Pollux, and oversleeping in the days leading up to assignment due date. Crixaustingaution is said to peak at approximately 5:16am, when the sun begins to rise, birds are chirping, and the victim is faced with the choice of going to bed and waking up to complete assignment, or maintaining the state of torture.

Heatacreasclausing: the experience of being too hot in a situation you have no control over, and are clothed inappropriately. In these circumstances, the heat is increasing, and there is an element of claustrophobia, in that you are trapped in your own skin, which is very hot. Can be very distressing.

Example: Pollux was heatacreasclausing at the children’s Christmas Party at work, when she was supervising the putting competition in her uniform exposed to 38 degree heat. The heatacreasclausing intensified when she had to chase after a ball that a toddler had hit down the fairway.

We remain unsure as to why these words were not shortlisted for English word of the year. The apocalypse is definitely imminent when YOLO is chosen above a word which perfectly sounds like the experience of being too hot. Furthermore, YOLO is not a word, it’s an acronym. Why are acronym’s now words of the year? How is it fair that we are struggling uni students, while there are some people working for the Oxford Dictionary and getting paid to think that YOLO and GIF are good ‘words’, when by definition (ironically) they are not words, and EVEN IF they were words, they’re not good words. At all.

Word: A single, distinct meaningful element of speech or writing, used with others to form a sentence and typically shown with a space on either side when written or printed.

YOLO doesn’t fit this definition because a) it’s not a single or distinct element of speech or writing, it is actually the amalgamation of four different elements (words), and b) it is not meaningful. It does not mean anything.

Our next problem is the every day use of YOLO, as it is used to justify doing stupid things. Now, if you only live once, and you know this, because you just said it, WHY would you do something like drink a potentially deadly amount of alcohol, or make a decision that WILL come back to haunt you, or buy something you can’t afford? According to you, you only live once, so why stuff it up? We don’t get it? Maybe if it was YOLT (You Only Live Twice), then, yes, you could justify doing stupid things, because it’s like, well, this is your practice run and you can do it properly the next time round. But YOU said you only live ONCE. Zac Efron has this tattooed on him. The world is definitely ending. We respected Zac Efron, not only for his acting abilities (hehe), but because he was good on Ellen. WE JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE.

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why. WHY. 

You know who you’ll probably never hear saying YOLO? A Hindu. Because they believe in reincarnation.

Reincarnation: The religious or philosophical concept that the soul or spirit, after biological death, begins a new life in a new body that may be human, animal or spiritual depending on the moral quality of the previous life’s actions.

So, um, maybe not YOLO. Maybe you live more than once. Awkward for the Oxford Dictionary. Awkward for Zac Efron. Awkward for civilization 2012, because when the world ends on Friday, YOLO will go down as one of our “big ideas”. Let’s hope it’s wrong, Castor would like to come back as a bird so she could fly everywhere and shit on people’s heads, and Pollux would like to come back as a Polar Bear, but maybe not because ice caps are melting. Whatever, screw the ice caps, YOLO. 

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