21 Reasons Why the World is Ending on the 21st of December 2012

We know social media makes everyone feel like they are at the centre of the universe…but we’re about to burst your bubble, because it turns out that we are.

In Greek mythology, twins were either an omen or a blessing. They were divine, and therefore were met with great superstition. Enemies or close companions, twins represented the dualistic forces of the universe; day and night, summer and winter, fire and water, good and Alan Jones, Delta Goodrem and sincerity, Lara Bingle and a legitimate career path, that sort of thing. In Roman myth, Romulus and Remus were suckled by a she-wolf (same) and went on to establish the greatest city of the ancient world. And by that we mean Romulus killed Remus because they couldn’t agree on the best mountain (story of my life) for the city – hence the city of Rome. While there are things we can’t agree on (E.g: Weet Bix fight circa. 1993. Tables were thrown, Weet Bix were not evenly distributed), we normally resolve the big issues without resorting to murder. Castor and Pollux, then, seem like a more appropriate twin analogy, and its nice because one of them was divine, given that Zeus was his father. But our father is not divine – he is balding, gets angry when we leave the lights on and watches Star Trek. Aside from that, we find Castor and Pollux pertinent because, although they are depicted with (rather large) penises, making us different from them in one obvious sense, they always intervened at times of crisis. And here, 21 days before the end of the world, we too are in a time of crisis. (DUNN DUN DUNNNNNNN)

We were born on the 21st of the 12th at 2pm 20 minutes apart to a mother (she-wolf) who was born on the 21st of the 10th. There were 2 of us. 2 years later we had 2 twin brothers born 1 minute apart on the 20th. We lived at house number 22, before we moved to house number 21, with the post code 2114. And, of course, the world is predicted to end on the 21st of the 12th 2012, our 22nd birthday, sux 😦. Our dog also weighs the equivalent of 2 dogs, we have 2 brains, as well as 2 arms, 2 legs, and 2 eyes EACH…

So, from this extensive body of evidence, one thing seems inarguably clear: the world is ending on the 21st of the 12th, and it is partly, if not entirely, our presence in the universe that is responsible. If you had plans – you should cancel. And don’t save for anything – but do use your credit card as much as possible*.

*Note: This is not official financial advice.

We thought that considering it was our divine birth (Jessie got her elbow stuck) which is the omen for the world ending, we should at least provide 21 reasons why it is, in the 21 days before it does. So you can’t say we didn’t warn you. And for those of you sitting there thinking ‘pfft the world isn’t ending’…lets place bets…we’ll collect the money.

So every day for the next 21 days we will be writing about the many reasons why the world is ending. I’m sure by scrolling down your newsfeed on Facebook or by watching ‘A Current Affair’ you can come up with at least 10 reasons, if not 10 people, who make it clear 1) that the world is ending and 2) that it might not be such a bad thing.

What has happened since the inception of social media, is that idiots speak whilst those who have something important to say are instincitively silent, because intelligence, in its truest form, is modest. If this keeps happening, our media will cease to be valuable, and instead will just be a plethora of confident people’s opinions, which are unfounded, unjustified and unchallenged. If we read “Live every daii lyk itz ur last”, with 54 ‘likes’ ONE more time we vow to end the universe OURSELVES. This mindset is literally what is killing us as a species. Have fun dying from high cholesterol from living every day like it was your last (You had McDonalds every day didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU?), without a degree, without a job and with 21 children. Good saying though. Means a lot.

Considering there are only 21 days left of this universe – we thought this was the time to share what we think.

At best we could give some valuable advice to the alien-zombies who inherit our planet after us, and prove that our civilisation was more than bad tweets, statuses that literally don’t make sense, and instagram photos of people’s lunch. # yolo

At worst we could offend everyone and if the world does continue to exist, we’ll be hated for being so cynical about it.